Getting along with your colleagues and boss can be great, especially when it make the day go a little quicker and it can even increase performance.
You may feel so close to your boss that you hang out after work or invite them to your wedding. But at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that your friend is still your superior, and there’s a line you shouldn’t cross.
Aside from the obvious — like profanity and insults — Here are 10 words, behaviours and phrases you should never utter to your boss and colleagues even if you’re friends!
10 things to not say at work:
- ‘I heard Dave got a promotion’ – Not that necessarily things like salaries, pay grades and promotions are confidential. But bitching to your boss about this is just plain unprofessional and borderline gossiping. So what if Dave got a pay-rise, it is none of your business. Bitch about that with a friend that isn’t in the same company as you!
- Roll your eyes. Ok, so I am guilty of this, especially my facial expressions. It is something I have learnt to hold back and in, it’s not cool! It makes you look like you have bad attitude – so STOP!
- ‘I’m so bored/I have no work to do/I am twiddling my thumbs’ – Are you a fool? Don’t ever tell your boss you are bored and have no work to do! Firstly either find something to do like email admin or start on that improvement piece you have been harping on about… Worst case, go and wash up the cups! However, if you really can’t find something to do – ask your boss: “I have some capacity to take on more, is there anything I can support you with”
- ‘I have an interview…’ – Good for you, you are unhappy and you are planning your escape. But keep it under-wraps, you don’t want to be starting a rumour mill you are leaving. Only tell your boss if you are offered the job, in the meantime, just turn up, do your work and arrange your interview around your current commitments.
- ‘Oh My Gawd… did you hear about….’ – No one likes an office gossip. As soon as you a labelled as the big mouth, secret spiller you will not be trusted with anything confidential or even let into the trusted groups of managers. This can halt your progression.
- ‘I’ll get that done immediately’ – Never over promise to then under deliver. Setting to high of expectations can lead to disappointment on both parties.
- Referring to someone’s image. You may have a great relationship with the person you are ripping into and that’s great. Just take into account your surroundings. If someone heard, would they be hurt by the language you are using?
- Being too needy. There is nothing worse than a needy employee, stakeholder and/or vendor. Constantly ringing, dropping emails in people diaries and needing your hand held every 5 minutes is not cool. Take a break, read the signs. Hint: note down all the times you need to speak to your boss, can it wait? Try and save some for your 121’s.
- Don’t let your inner teenager come out. Similar to 2. Rolling your eyes. Keeping your cool is key. It can sometimes be hard to not yell out a swear words when your colleagues or boss are driving you into despair.
- Lie. If you haven’t done something be upfront. I have seen some real shockers in my time, even someone changing time stamps on emails! People that lie will get found out. Don’t risk it!
What would you add to this list?
(New Year’s) resolutions are the perfect opportunity for all those things that you have wanted to change and annoying failed to start like you said you would make tomorrow, next week, next month and even next year!
Well, now’s your chance to sit down and prepare a list of things you want to do, changes and succeed in your new year/new day/new week/new month.
This is my mini guide to creating and smashing your (New Year’s) Resolutions. It’s a well known fact that most people break their New Year’s resolutions within the first week of January and this is because the goals require too much immediate change.
It’s difficult to make a drastic change to your already embedded daily routine. However, that’s where the Kaizen method can help you succeed — by breaking down your larger goal into smaller, more manageable steps that you can implement over a longer time period until your goal is slowly achieved.
Resolution: Saving Money.
If you want to save more money, maybe it’s to buy a car, your first home or simply go on your dream holiday. Start by saving a small amount each month– something you don’t think you will really notice. If you can automate it too, that would be even better. If you put into a savings account £50 once a month without noticing the decrease in your pay, you can gradually increase the amount every few months until your saving pot has grown and you’re on your way to achieving that goal.
Take a look at my previous post on saving money: Let’s talk about saving money
Resolution: Healthier lifestyle.
Think about a tiny change you can make to work your way toward that goal. Whether the goal is lose weight, be stronger or just to be able to keep up with the kids!
To keep yourself from turning to fast food on your lunch break (which is also spending money), begin by packing your lunch one day per week. After a month, you could increase to two days per week and add in a lunchtime walk. Remember, smaller changes are easier to swallow, this is a lifestyle change to be maintained.
Resolution: Enhance your career.
So you want to be earning double your salary, receive your full bonus and be qualified, like over qualified. Great aspirations, let’s break that down.
Is it time to invest in a career coach? Working with as your Career Coach, is like having your very own personal branding team. We can look at creating a clear and concise career goals as well as building your personal brand.
Other things you can do:
- Start by looking at online courses. Are you able to add this to your work PDP? Often there are course early in the year which are fairly cheap, so this would be one achieve pretty quickly.
- Start attending networking groups, but don’t put pressure on yourself to attend them all. What works for you? Are they free? Take a look at People Can Change for further ideas.
You can get the PDF verison of One Small Step Can Change Your Life which has inspired this post: Here
What are your New Year’s Resolutions? How are you going to approach them? Or have you achieved your goals? What were they and how did you do it?
People evolve thus people can change. We have a personality foundation which starts to develop the day we are born. Our environments, education, childhood, peer groups as well as our hobbies, shape the human being that we are today.
The Psychology Today wrote: “Can we change people? It depends what we mean by change. First, can people change? Well, obviously. For example, we get older. Can we change in every respect? Obviously not. We change in some respects and not in others. “
I recognise in myself that I still have the core personality foundations that I had when I was in my teens. For example, I talk with my hands, I am fiercely independent and super ambitious… I also care a lot about people and wrongly, what they think about me.
However the way I now conduct myself has evolved. And the way I think, feel and listen is different. The way I approach an activity or situation is tailored from lessons learnt throughout my life where I have been successful and of course when I have also failed.
To understand more about changes in people, I did some research for this post and of course, that research means googling. I found that the results were more for answers for someone who is seeking some kind of clarity or explanation for behaviour that has caused them pain. Such as and mainly: cheating. It was surprising that with no clear answers. Using my platform, I wanted to start this post by addressing the leopard in the room.
Certain common phrases such as – “A leopard never changes its spots” and “Once a cheat, always a cheat” – might stick for a while, but if we decide that someone is set on their own path whether positive or negative, are we not doing so because, on some level, creating a barrier between their bad behaviour or success and the pain or jealousy they caused to protect ourselves?
Whilst it can be comforting to sometimes decide someone is bad, it can also be rewarding to perhaps ask why do they behaviour in such ways? Perhaps you are the one who is inflicting pain on others, have you ever stopped and wondered why you are doing this? Perhaps it is jealously? A childhood trauma that is unresolved? Or perhaps you are just so unhappy in yourself, you are making others around you unhappy?
Everyone has the ability to behave selfishly and be disruptive. We mess up and cause unbelievable pain to one another. Often repeat certain behaviours if the root cause isn’t addressed or time is spent on healing our previous wounds.
I am not saying if your partner has cheated on you to forgive them or even give an excuse, what I am merely suggesting is perhaps start by asking why. Ask why 5 times and see what could be rebuilt from opening up. Sadly, on the flip side of the coin, you will come across those who are content with inflicting pain on others. These people are not worthy of your time, efforts and loyalty. If you have recognised that change is needed, sometime that means leaving a person, environment and/or life to create a new path.
If we are seeking some kind of change in how we exist in relation to other people in this world the real question, is how much time, work and effort we will spend on ourselves?
This brings me onto my purpose of this post. I believe in change and that people can evolve, grow and transform.
The reason I believe this, is because I have changed. (Alex, I know you laughing if you are reading this line!). The people I have met have shaped me, CBT and Counselling healed me, Coaching is evolving me and networking as well as blogging is expanding my connections.
Changing is a choice. Choice is the art of possibilities. And Possibilities are endless.
Personal development is something most people associate with their jobs. Completing objectives and smashing targets to enable them to achieve their bonuses. But what if I told that personal development isn’t just something you do in your job, that actually this can aid an individual to change as well as enrich their potential?
There are so amazing tools, forums and people out there, right at your finger tips to get you started! Here are 5 areas to start your journey:
1: Of course, there is this blog
A Platform that is focused on female empowerment with the goal to enable women to be successful, strong and sassy. I write articles across a number of pillars: Personal Branding. Wellbeing. Female Empowerment. Life Style. Career Building. And… sometimes I might go off topic, like I did in this post, but roll with me.
The blog was created to connect others, provide empowerment, share knowledge, inspire the soul and give a sense of belonging.
Coaching is a process that aims to improve personal performance and focuses on the ‘here and now’ rather than on the distant past or future.
As a career coach, I specialise in: Helping you to cultivate and implement your personal brand. Building personal & career confidence. Overcoming limited beliefs and amplifying your voice. Moreover, I also work with you to shift your fixed mindset into a growth mindset. You will finish your career coaching programme with a clear, concise career plan that will enable you to level up. Whether that is asking for more responsibility or finally applying for a leadership role.
If you are looking for Life Coaching, I work with Bright Yellow Coaching – Since working with Tracy, I have learnt skills such as how to be more resilient and understanding my values. Working with Tracy has also enabled me to find and understand myself more, without really knowing it – the sessions gave me and continue to give me great strength and empowerment.
3: Asking for professional help – CBT, Counselling and Therapy.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a type of talking treatment which focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and behaviour, and teaches you coping skills for dealing with different problems.
It combines cognitive therapy (examining the things you think) and behaviour therapy (examining the things you do).
Counselling is the process by which a counsellor helps an individual understand and solve problems to help him or her cope with mental or emotional triggers. Where as Therapy usually involves talking about your situation in order to gain more understanding about issues such as mood, feelings, behaviour, and ways of thinking.
Ask your GP for advice on which treatment they would recommend.
4: Networking, attending industry related conferences/expos and connecting with others. I am part of the All Bright Academy that offer events throughout the year to attend. Women in Business Expo, Best You Expo and browsing through Meetup and Eventbrite to find local groups to attend.
5: Mentoring – Is there someone who you admire? Perhaps even aspire to follow in their footsteps! Never be afraid to reach out and offer to buy them a coffee. Mentoring is different to coaching. Mentoring is a relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced or less knowledgeable person. The mentor may be older or younger than the person being mentored, but he or she must have a certain area of expertise.
Working on yourself can start today…. Let it be DAY ONE, not one day.
So the question is, what are you prepared to do to grow, evolve and change?
It was reported that 73% of British workers took time out of work because of stress in the work place… and 19% quit on the spot!
From Lack of support and excessive workload. To poor company culture and incompetent colleagues. There are many factors that lead to stress. I explore how work related stress impacts your and how we can implement some remedies to alleviate the excessive pressures.
HSE’s formal definition of work-related stress is: “The adverse reaction people have to excessive pressures or other types of demand placed on them at work.”
Although stress is a state more than an illness, however, it is worth noting that if stress becomes too excessive and prolonged – mental and physical illness may develop.
Work related stress develops because a person is unable to cope with the demands being placed on them. Stress can be a significant cause of illness and is known to be linked with high levels of sickness absence, staff turnover and other issues such as mistakes and errors.
Stress can hit anyone at any level of the business. From looking into this topic further as well as discussing this at my networking group, it was found that work related stress is widespread and is not confined to particular sectors, jobs or industries.
Pressures at work compared to stress caused because of work has a clear difference: Pressure can be positive, motivating factor in someone’s career, and is often essential. It can help us achieve our goals as well as perform better.
Stress occurs when this pressure becomes excessive.
Stress affects people in different ways and what one person finds stressful can be normal to another. With each new situation a person will decide what the challenge is and whether they have the resources to cope. If they decide they don’t have the resources, they will begin to feel stressed. How they appraise the situation will depend on various factors, including:
- Background and culture
- Skills and experience
- Personal circumstances
- Health status
- Ethnicity, gender, age or disability
Just like how people are affected by stress, the ways of managing can be different for each individual. It is all well and good to talk about a work life balance, however what people really need are tools and techniques to help them.
How to alleviate work related stress can be managed by:
- Talking to your manager, colleague or HR. There is no shame in saying that the current pressures that are on you are causes you to feel stressed. It is always best to take some examples with you that include situation when you have felt stressed or document you current work load to show your manager. By talking, you are highlighting the problem. You never know, you might be able to recruit a junior to support you.
- Get a priority list together. Have you ever used a Kanban board? Such a great way to visually see what you need to do and what you have achieved. (also GREAT for reporting) You can use Trello which is a free online tool.
- Be part of a culture change. Do you have an idea to help improve team performance? an Idea on how to feel calmer at work? Maybe introduce a well-being Wednesday? Be the change you want to see.
- Change your job or career direction. This one will take more time and planning. However, if you really are struggling this might be the option.
- Have a break. Stop, put down your work phone and be present with your family and friends.
- Exercise! Make time to go for a walk/run. Go to that gym class. Getting out helps clear the mind, looking after yourself will help with all aspects of your life and your mental health.
Do you have a story of stressed caused by work? Or do you have any suggestions of remedies? Comment below to share.
With the rise of female networking groups, private member clubs and published material with the sole aim of empowering and enriching women there was bound to be some noise.
I believe in balance. Especially Gender Balance. Yes this blog is aimed towards empowering women and predominantly about women, it doesn’t mean I am against men. Infact, the men in my life are allies, best friends and of course, my partner.
The UNFPA commented – “Gender equality is intrinsically linked to sustainable development and is vital to the realization of human rights for all. The overall objective of gender equality is a society in which women and men enjoy the same opportunities, rights and obligations in all spheres of life.” And I agree.
Of late, Male comments have been – ‘what about a Man’s networking club?’ or ‘Where are the Men in STEM groups?’ Although I find the comments to be disagreeable… I wanted to explore their points.
‘What about a Man’s networking club?’
Back in the 18th Century there was the introduction of the Gentleman’s clubs which were private places that were designed to allow men to relax and create friendships with other men. In the 19th and 20th centuries, clubs were regarded as a central part of elite men’s lives.
These types of places still exist such as Garrick Club, Buck’s Club and Flyfishers’ Club which do not allow Women to join. Source: Wikipedia .
It was back in 19th Century when the Women institute was formed and now in the 21st Century we have vibrant, collaborative, global platforms, like Allbright, The Coven and Step Up Club which include memberships, networking and courses to enable their female members to grow into success, learn new skills and connect with other women.
To summarise: There are private members clubs for men and for women. There are also clubs that allow both genders.
‘Where are the Men in STEM groups?’
According to a study by Women in Stem showed from the percentage split for current female students to graduates and professionals working in STEM in the UK.
Female – 4,525 – 19%
Male – 19,550 – 81%
Total – 24,090
When we looked at the UCAS data for students studying computer sciences related degrees, only 19% were female, with a staggering 81% of students being male.
Engineering and technology
Female – 23,650 – 19%
Male – 102,970 – 81%
Total – 126,660
So, That’s why Women in STEM and Women in Tech groups and organisations exists. It is to attract women into positions to help build more diverse teams.
Barack Obama famously Said:
‘It’s easy to absorb all kinds of messages from society about masculinity and come to believe that there’s a right way and a wrong way to be a man. But as I got older, I realized that my ideas about being a tough guy or cool guy just weren’t me. They were a manifestation of my youth and insecurity.’
‘That’s what twenty-first century feminism is about: the idea that when everybody is equal, we are all more free.’
‘While I’ll keep working on good policies—from equal pay for equal work to protecting reproductive rights—there are some changes that have nothing to do with passing new laws. In fact, the most important change may be the toughest of all—and that’s changing ourselves.’
I hope these quotes fill you will some inspiration.
RESOURCES FOR MEN
Networking Groups and clubs for Men
Publications for Men
- Men’s Health Magazine.
- Coach | Do Something.
- The Coolector | Men’s Lifestyle Magazine | Design, Gear & Fashion.
- British GQ Magazine.
- Mens Fashion Magazine Online | Latest Men’s Fashion and Style Magazine.
- Menswear Style Digital Magazine.
- Men’s Running magazine.
Want to support Women? Read this here: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-things-men-can-do-to-support-an-ambitious-business-woman-cmtt/
Support for Men
Do you have any recommendations? What is your story for supporting men and women?